Friday, September 09, 2016


When I started blogging, I did so via in 2000, then LiveJournal in 2002, then onto Blogger in 2005.

In the beginning, before it was called "blogging"- it was all about community. You left comments to each other, even if it was just (((hugs))) to let someone know you read their words, you were there. You had your group of 10-15 people who you followed religiously. That list would get culled and renewed every so often, but there was always that base. 

With blogger,  I have tried on and off these several years to really buckle down and find that community that would work for me. The problem? Blogs are all about the niche, and I didn't fall into any category. Not a mom, chef, religious, political, fashionista etc. I didn't fit in anywhere. I never felt comfortable putting myself into any mold of ___ blogger. I didn't feel comfortable doing so because I haven't had enough confidence in myself to say This Is Me, I Am Awesome.  

At one point, I finally (after years) had someone pick MY BLOG to recommend for others to read...great, right? Nope. The gist of the recommendation was that while not very well written (used the term "raw"), it was interesting to read. I was devastated. I stopped trying to get others to read my blog, stopped putting it on my social media, and stopped writing as frequently because of my insecurities.

So, what did I do and what am I going to do? 

I created a wordpress blog for creative writing, and have posted poems there. I wasn't embarrassed by the ramblings of my 22 year old self who was used to the conversational tone of livejournal. I stopped writing blog posts in my head all the time, because who cares. 

Now, I'm going to do something that I think has been long overdue. I'm going to merge things. I've gotten a domain name so that everything goes to one place. I'll re-direct for awhile for anyone out there who may try to look this blog up. 

It will mostly be poetry, and hopefully short stories and other creative writing..but there will also be a place for me, however rare, to ramble and whine about my first world problems. To express those things that keep you up at night. To reach out, as all of us do, to the world spinning madly around us--hoping someone else understands.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

This is basically a status update, but yeah.

Me for 8 years.
Butthurt that my family doesn't read my blog. 

My mom reads my blog.
everything is so sad!  are you ok? 

well played, universe.


Tuesday, March 01, 2016

My husband was listening to this song this weekend, and it caught my attention. Something about it just stirs up Feelings.

It has been six years, and I still miss Oregon. No, I'm not talking about my ex, we are both happily re-married and facebook friendly. I'm talking about the breathtakingly gorgeous place I used to call home for a handful of years. I lived in Southern Oregon...and even during November when it would rain all day every day, I was in love with the beauty of it all. I had a creek in my backyard, trees and flowers and LIFE everywhere. I belong somewhere green.

My family moved from Dallas to Las Vegas when I was 3 1/2, and I don't really remember a time that I haven't wanted to live somewhere with seasons.

When I moved back in 2010, the plan was to live in Vegas for a couple years and then get to Portland, which I visited and immediately worshiped  Then- I fell in love, got a good job and cut to today. Where I still pine for big, tall trees with wet leaves against my windows and flowers growing despite my serious lack of green thumb. "People" say that the desert is beautiful too. Yeah, no. The only salvage Las Vegas has is that it is surrounded by mountains and those are beautiful. Otherwise, dirt and rocks don't do it for me.

I don't know when, or how, but I need to get back.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

with all my might

my words can be soft, 
and delicate.
enveloping you 
in their stunning sweetness.

or they can sting
finding the weak spots
reminders of
a sorrowful past. 

you are not perfect.
I am not perfect. 

this love,
can see through any flaw. 
it doesn't need anything
but you and i. 

that is perfection.

i love with all my might.
for you 
with you. 


This was written for the "Language of Love" link up/contest which you can see Here

Thursday, February 11, 2016

*Takes a deep breath*

The last couple months have hurt.

Things are -slowly- getting better. Life is starting to make sense again. But, damn, the angst has left me tattered and changed.

I'm sure once the dust has settled, I will be able to look back and think of it all as a "life lesson".

Guess what? Life lessons are a nice way to phrase a whole lot of terribleness (of your own doing) getting thrown at you all at once. When a big event happens in life and changes things, it seems like your whole world falls like dominoes as you scramble to pick up the pieces of what life used to be. Usually with tears and a depressing Spotify playlist accompanying.

Uncertainty is not a place I do well. January was a month of shoving that in my face-- saying "ohhhh, you're still a control freak Mrs. I'msomindfulandwise." Lots of panic attacks. A lot of questioning who I am and what I want in life.

Maybe this chaos and pain are guiding my way to accomplishing things I've wanted for many years. Maybe I'll look back at this post and think "oh, and look what happened next!".

Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Word for 2016.

When I wrote my last post, I began to seriously ponder what I was going to choose for 2016. I narrowed it down to three options; Thoughtful, Inspired and Joyful. All of these are great words. I wrote them on a tiny little post-it note and put that on the back of my cell phone so that I would keep seeing these words and find the one that most resonated with me.  

I'm currently recovering from a stomach bug and woke up to a quiet house and time on my hands. I read a little bit, and then I started to think that if none of those words were sticking out by this point it was time to find something else. I went to to go word hunting, as you do. 

After some time, I found it: 

(se-ren'i-ty) noun;
1. The condition or quality of being serene; clearness and calmness; quietness; 
stillness; peace. 
2. Calmness of mind; evenness of temper; an undisturbed state; coolness. 
[another definition I found and liked Here]

Yes. Exactly. I saw the word, and the definition, and it clicked. Pinterest gave me some pretty, inspiring pictures and there you have it.  Serenity is staying calm through the chaos, of going inward and finding peace of mind there rather than through an outside source. Accepting myself and life for what it is, rather than living in an anxious state because I want to control all the things. 

Happy New Year to you all, I hope 2016 brings you peace and happiness.